The Reality Of It
by jalyn712
Summary: Matt has a dream.


Just a little quickie that ends well.

* * *

"It's not you. It's me," she said, and he stood there in shock. She was in the process of letting him down easy, and he felt like she'd sucker-punched him. Seriously. Ouch.

Wait. What?

In a fuzzy place in the back of his mind, he knew this was a dream, but the vividness of it kept him transfixed. He knew he could end this at any time, but for the life of him, he couldn't make himself do it. He wanted to know how it would play out, as he'd never really been on the receiving end of one of these conversations. And, to know it was the woman he called one of his closest friends…well, he couldn't just up and 'leave' without knowing why she wouldn't consider him as anything more than a friend.

She went on, "We're just friends, Houston. It's what we do best. You know that."

"Do I?" he heard himself say, though he was sure his lips hadn't moved. Had he only spoken in his mind?

"Yes. You do. We're close, but we're not that close. I'm not even your best friend - Vince is - and, moreover, we don't know one another as well as you think we do."

Had she really just said that?

"What?" he asked. Great. He was finally becoming a conscious player in this dream, and he'd only uttered three syllables, so far. Then again, this seemed to be her show.

"I mean, can you really see us together?" she asked, then laughed. "Wait. This was a joke, wasn't it? Like the time you kissed me, after Rupert won the frog jumping contest. Whew! I get it, now. Good one, Houston."

He had no clue where their setting was, but she was flitting about, pruning flowers. She seemed to have the same colorful energy as the blooms surrounding her. She looked up from her task and smiled brightly at him, then she went back to work.

"What if I _can _see us together?" he asked, realizing he meant it.

A less astute person would have missed her momentary hesitation, but he caught it easily.

"Really, Houston. We've known each other a long time, but that's it. We're friends. Period. I'm not looking for a relationship with you." No edge to her voice. Just matter-of-fact.

"Why not?" He felt the internal smack of her words.

"What do you mean, 'Why not?'" She sounded perturbed, now. "Because we're friends, first and foremost, and outside of the office, we don't have much in common, really."

"How can you say that? We - " but she cut him off.

"We grew up together. Yes. Kind of. We ran around in different circles, and you were always gone doing this or that. Have you noticed that we don't know each other's closest friends, outside of the ones we've made during our time running Houston Industries? Not to mention, anyone between college and starting your conglomerate have only been learned about through investigations, which is unfortunate but the truth. Besides, you've declared that Vince is your best friend, and you've openly admitted that our being solely as business associates is how you like 'us.' No big deal. It works. Moreover, you've always liked the women, Houston, and I'm not inclined to be one of them. I like falling in love, not just lust. And, one day soon, I will again. There…." She finished her diatribe and her pruning at the same time. She smiled again and looked up at him.

He was frowning.

"Don't look so glum. You're fine. Plenty of fish in the sea and all that…."

"I'm not looking for a school of fish," he said. Angry that her opinion of him wasn't as high as he'd believed.

She raised a brow at that but only commented with, "Well, you'll find what you're looking for. Just not in this neck of the woods," she confirmed.

"I've heard you say a lot of things, but I still haven't heard why you can dismiss me so easily." His anger was evident, even to his own ears.

She blew a few stray strands of hair out of her eyes. "I liked this better, when I thought it was a joke," she said.

"Well, that's just fine. A real nice how-do-you-do, CJ. I'm saying that I love you and want something more, and you're telling me to put myself on ice. Real nice," he repeated.

Both of her brows raised in disbelief. "Is that what you're saying, Houston? That you love me? And, what on earth makes you think that?"

Woah. In his mind, he replayed his words to her. Yep. He'd said it. Did he mean it? This was a dream, after all….

Still, he was incensed. "What do you mean, 'What makes me think that?' You ARE my best friend, and I love you!" he declared loudly.

She nearly huffed but replied, "O-kay…. So, now, I'm you're best friend, and you love me. This is weird, Houston." Looking at him worriedly, she walked towards him, intent to feel his forehead for a temperature. "Are you really alright?" she asked, as she raised her hand to his head.

"Stop that, CJ!" He removed her hand from his head, but he didn't let go of it. Their eyes were locked - hers full of worry, his full of confusion but knowing he needed to make some things clear.

What they were, he couldn't exactly say. Ironic, considering they were in the middle of a conversation, and he'd openly told her that he loved her. But, what had he meant by it, when he'd said it? Was he truly in love with her? Either way, in this dreamscape, he knew that he _wanted _it to mean just that.

Wow. Where had all of this come from? Maybe, he should force his eyes open, now….

While he stood there contemplating, he thought he felt her pull her own hand from his grasp. He looked down to see that she hadn't pulled it away; she was fading away. When he looked back to her face, it was also fading fast.

"I've got to go," he heard her say. Though she was still partially in front of him, her voice sounded from across a distance.

"No. Wait!" He implored her to say with him, but she continued to fade fast. He was left alone in this odd coloration of…nothingness…and now-florescent blooms. Slowly, those faded, too. It seemed to take a lifetime, but he knew that it had only been mere moments.

Startled awake by the turn of events, he sat bolt upright in bed. Looking about his darkened bedroom, he became reoriented to the here-and-now. Rubbing his hand over his face, he gently lay back and fixed his pillow behind his head. Seems he'd been unsettled here, as well as in his dream world.

The longer he stayed awake, trying to recall the dream events, the more difficult the details were to remember. Not so funny how that happens, and it was frustrating him. Still, he retained some uncomfortable feelings - left over from bits and pieces - and wondered at them.

She didn't think they had much in common. And, she didn't think they knew each other well - that they weren't very close? Even though he knew it was just a dream, that hurt. More came to him…she thought something was a joke because of something he had said. What was it?….

Thinking of their history, he knew they shared more than she'd intimated in his dream, but he still felt the sting of her words and the pang in the chest at hearing them. But, what else had transpired? Frustrated, he lay there, trying like hell to remember more. But, he realized that he couldn't get a bead on much else. Forgetting about sleep - he knew it wouldn't come, now - he got up and began busying himself; it was late enough that he'd only be up an hour ahead of his alarm, anyway.

Over-and-over, a voice in his head - her voice - repeated, "We're friends, but anything more than that would be a joke." A gnawing feeling ate at his gut. Did CJ - his real-life friend - truly feel that way? What had started all of this for him, anyway? Not for the first time, he wondered what had triggered this dream that had unnerved him so.

While showering, he got a hard hit. He'd told her that he loved her. Standing there with spray hitting his chest, he felt the shock as acutely as if he'd actually spoken the words to her in life. As it wore off, he actually smiled to himself. He was beginning to believe that Someone was trying to tell him something, and he knew that he had work to do. Whether or not CJ shared any sentiments with his dream counterpart of her, he would make certain that she knew better; she did mean much more to him than she knew, and he was willingly going to convince her of it.

As the dust began to settle in his mind, he realized that today would be the start of a new era between them. He didn't know how it would come about - or even why it had been triggered within him - but he knew in his heart that he didn't want the woman he'd known since childhood to ever slip away from him. More than that, he wanted much more for them. Together. And, whatever it took, he'd let her know just how much she meant to him. Every day. Starting today.


End file.
